Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
