I can tuck mytits in my pants
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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