you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
