maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
