Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
