I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
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