they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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