guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
