I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize