Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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