Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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