Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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