We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
