it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
