I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Can Purell be used as lube?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
