It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Randomize
