I want to stick my p in your. b.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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