It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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