You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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