Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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