I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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