One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
