Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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