how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
