Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
