Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
