I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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