What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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