so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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