What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
