Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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