U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
