He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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