Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
last night I used snow as a chaser
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
