tell your sister to shave her snatch
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I know her cup size but not her name....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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