That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
