YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
