Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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