so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
