I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize