So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize