thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize