note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
