I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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