did you get engaged???
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize