I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
this will be a night to untag.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
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