Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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