Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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