my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
