The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
