I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
