I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
