I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She announced her abortion via fbk
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
