i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I would fuck him just for his dog
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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