Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
