At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
