i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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