The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
