Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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