Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
