They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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