Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
