oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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