haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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